Watching You From Afar
by Ariana Malfoy- Lestrange
Summary: She watches him from afar, that whole year...ChoHarry, HarryGinny.
1. I wish

Cho/Harry  
  
I watched you. I watched you from afar, that whole year. I couldn't help myself. I told myself that you were an insensitive, uncaring jerk, who absolutely hated me, and never wanted to talk or look at me ever again.  
  
And I was right, except for the first part. You changed over the summer, the old you vanished. Maybe for the better, maybe for the worst, I don't know. All I did know was that the Harry Potter I kissed under the mistletoe in my sixth year, the Harry Potter who was shy, was gone forever. This new Harry Potter came back to school with what seemed like a heavy load on his shoulders.  
  
You had always had a larger load than the rest of us, because of Voldemort, but this year, it seemed to effect you more. You walked with a different step, like one of a man who has resigned to his fate, to his destiny.  
  
Do you believe in destiny?  
  
Your green beautiful eyes sometime took on a glazed look, like you were million of miles away from this world. Only your best friends, and she could make it go away at times.  
  
She; Ginny Weasley. The one who now holds the key to your heart. The key that I so foolishly threw away. Did I ever hold that key? I do not know.  
  
Ginny is so pretty, bright, and flaming, and happy, always happy. I remember last year you said I cried too much. And I did. No wonder you wanted somebody like Ginny, somebody to cheer you up, instead of someone like me. I understand, I really do.  
  
And yet, does she understand? Has she, the ever-happy one, gone through any pain as deep as what you've gone through? Can she understand the depth of your emotions when you suffer agony like that? Perhaps she has, I do not know.  
  
I wish, all the time; that I'd hadn't been so temperamental. If I hadn't been so emotional, then maybe I'd be the one who would comfort you when you have nightmares, maybe I'd have been the one to lightly tousle your hair when you seemed down. But I was, so I'm not.  
  
You know the saying, you don't know what you've got until its gone? Well that's how it is right now. It was like that with Cedric too. And yes, I can think about him now without my eyes welling up with tears, I can talk about him without that painful knife twisting in my heart. Now it's you. I can't think about you without that knife twisting around and around in my heart, because you've taken his place. I haven't forgotten him, and I'll never forget him, but his memory now is but a pleasant, hazy, rose-colored memory; nothing more.  
  
I've stopped crying. I can't cry anymore, not over you, not over Cedric, not over what could've been. Crying won't help change my actions.  
  
I see you lean over to her, and give her a swift kiss on the cheek. I have to close my eyes again, or else the knife will dig deeper. I know it's entirely my fault, my fault that I was being an idiot. It's my fault that I'm not with you right now.  
  
It doesn't matter anymore; I never deserved you anyway. She does. Ginny Weasley deserves you, or deserves you more than all the other girls at the school.  
  
I bump into you on my way to Charms class. You offer me your hand to pull me up from the ground, and I accept. I can still feel the warm pressure of your fingers on my hand, the intoxicating smell of chocolate around you. I looked at you for a long time, taking in every detail of your perfect face before remembering that you weren't mine to have. I pulled away, mumbled thanks, and walked as quickly as I could to class.  
  
I need to forget you; I need to erase all traces of you from my mind, but I can't.  
  
I want to, I need to, but I can't.  
  
The next time I come into close contact with you is at the Ravenclaw- Gryffindor Qudditch match, right after winter holiday.  
  
You walk onto the Qudditch pitch with her, your red Gryffindor robes billowing in the slight breeze. Did I ever tell you how green your eyes look in red? I suppose not, but it doesn't matter; I suppose she tells you that all the time. You're a Seeker again; she's a Chaser now.  
  
Most of the crowd roars in approval to see their favorite Seeker (well, except for the Slytherins, who booed.) back on the pitch again. You smile genuinely, and I have to look away.  
  
As Captain of the Ravenclaw team, and since you're Captain of the Gryffindor team, we have to shake hands. We move forward at the same time, and lightly touch fingertips. I have to use all my self-control to avoid looking into your beautiful emerald green eyes, knowing that if I do, I'll stay there forever, looking into your eyes.  
  
When our fingers touch for that split second, a shock of electricity goes through me. Acting on my reflexes, I look up in confusion. Bad move. You seemed puzzled as well, and we locked eyes. I'm not aware of how long we stood there, simply staring at each other. I'm not even sure if we let go of each other's fingers. All I know is that, I looked into those eyes of yours and I was immediately sucked into a whirlpool of green; I was drowning in your mesmerizing eyes.  
  
I vaguely recall Madam Hooch blowing her whistle and tapping me on the shoulder. We mounted our brooms and took off into the clear blue sky.  
  
The game has begun.  
  
I try to concentrate on the Snitch, I try to think of winning and only winning, but I can't. The score is Gryffindor leading by twenty points.  
  
Finally, a flash of gold by the Ravenclaw end of the goalposts; I immediately turn my Comet 260 in that direction and speed off towards it. You've spotted it too; that excellent Firebolt of yours is already half way across the pitch.  
  
Urging my broom to go faster, I notice that you are less than two feet away from the Snitch. Knowing that I would never be able to catch it before you, I try a new tactic: blocking. It has always been my specialty, from when I first started out as a Seeker.  
  
As your hand is only inches away from the evasive ball, I direct my Comet with sharp shooter accuracy, and zoom in between the small space between your fingers and the Snitch.  
  
I don't think you realized what had happened exactly, because, instead of the Snitch, you grabbed my arm, and as a reflex, pulled me upwards.  
  
You were unbelievably strong; I found myself raised off above my broomstick. Still wearing a grin, you looked at me, and then seemed to realize that I was not the golden colored, winged ball.  
  
The spectators were wild. You simply looked puzzled for a minute, then hit with understanding, and embarrassment. Suddenly, I saw, out of the corner of my eye something flying toward the back of your head. With a nasty clunk, a Bludger hit you hard in back. I screamed, because your eyes closed, and you fell forward, still gripping my wrist tightly. Your legs were wrapped around the Firebolt and we were plummeting to the ground. All I remember is the wind whistling in my ears, and the warmth of your hand on my wrist. Then we hit the ground, and I blacked out.  
  
When I came back into consciousness, I found myself in the Hospital Wing, with your hand still clutching my wrist. Madam Pomfrey was leaning over me. She breathed a sigh of relief when I looked at her. You were still blacked out, and Madam Pomfrey said that you wouldn't let go of my wrist. Finally, with the aid of two other hospital wing assistants, Madam Pomfrey managed to pry my wrist away. She made sure I was all right, and then said I could go.  
  
As I left, I took one last, lingering look at your still form in the white hospital bed. You had a slight frown on your face, for some reason. I resolved that once you woke up, I would come visit you, and apologize for blocking you. After all, it was my fault that you were in the Hospital Wing, unconscious.  
  
Since it was a Saturday afternoon, I shut myself into my room, and read all the rest of the day. I went down for dinner, and saw Dean Thomas talking to Seamus Finnegan. They were saying how you had finally woken up. I immediately turned and left the Great Hall, making my way up to the Hospital Wing.  
  
I opened the door slowly, not wanting to disturb anyone. When I came to your bed, however, someone was already there. Three someones in fact.  
  
You were sitting up and you were laughing with Ron. Hermione was rolling her eyes at you, and Ginny...Ginny was holding your hand.  
  
I stood there, frozen, when she caught sight of me, and gave me a very ugly look. "What do you want?" Ginny hissed at me.  
  
"I...I... came to see-" I was shocked at Ginny's response. I tried again. "I just wanted to see how Harry was doing."  
  
Ginny snorted. "I think you've done enough." She said icily.  
  
I took a step backwards. "Well, I can see that you don't want visitors. I'll just leave then." I turned and fled.  
  
Walking blindly down the corridor, I heard someone shout my name. I turned and it was...you.  
  



	2. What I really feel

Author's notes: Hey! Thanks lots to all the reviewers who reviewed this piece, you all made my week! I'm very surprised that anybody liked it; most people highly dislike Cho. Here's the latest chapter, hope you enjoy!  
  
Karri-Granger: One of the best stories you've ever read? Wow! I feel so loved!  
  
: Thank you very much! I'm feeling extremely appreciated right now...  
  
Hello: Well, here's the next one! Hope you like it as much as you seemed to like the first chapter!  
  
Audrey Lebeke: Sorry about the cliffhanger! I really am VERY surprised you liked this one...see, finally, Cho is not perfect!  
  
monkeymouse: I've read YOUR Cho/Harry fic, and it is an honor for you to review mine, because yours was awesome! And about that Ginny in the Chamber of Secrets thing: yes, Ginny was a victim of the Chamber of Secrets, but I think Cho means more, has she ever lost someone really close to her. Cho doesn't know about Sirius, but she knows about Harry's parents and the death that seems to surround him.  
  
Once again, thanks everybody for reviewing! I love all of you to death, and please review more!  
  
Cho/Harry continued  
  
You came hurrying up to me, cheeks flushed, from running, I suppose.  
  
I stood there, my head lowered, not wanting to meet your eyes, those amazingly, unbelievably green eyes of yours, fearing that if I looked in them, I would see hate and disdain.  
  
All was silent. I could hear your shallow breaths.  
  
"Cho?" You ask, trying to look into my eyes. I avoid them, I avoid your eyes, until you grab my arm, and once again, my stupid reflexes make me look up. Stupid, stupid reflexes.  
  
There I am, drowning again. Your eyes are bottomless, and I feel as though I'm falling, falling from a great height when your voice interrupts me, breaking my fall.  
  
"I...just wanted to apologize for Ginny acting that way. She had no right to be so rude to you." You say, fidgeting a little.  
  
I pull my arm away. "Its perfectly fine." I say, in a voice I cannot recognize as my own, a voice that is cool, calm, collected, and emotionless, which is the exact opposite of how I feel now.  
  
You feel the iciness emitting from me, and you take a step back.  
  
"Okay, then. I suppose I'd better get back to the Hospital Wing." You bite your lip for a second, then turn to leave. I try desperately, oh so desperately, hard to read what you're thinking, but those eyes of yours are but a reflection of what mine must look like; a mask, no emotion, no pain, no hurt, no misery, no anger, no guilt, no love. No nothing.  
  
It makes me wonder; why do you hide your emotions? I know why I do, but what reason do you have? I wish I knew. I wish I were worthy enough to know your troubles, your emotions, your life. I wish I was, but I'm not.  
  
You're already half way down the hall, when I suddenly turn and shout " Harry!" I don't know exactly why I did, I just acted impulsively.  
  
Wow. That's the first time I've said your name out loud in a long time. The taste of it on my tongue is painfully sweet; like a needle covered with chocolate, tasting so saccharine, and yet, drawing blood at the same time.  
  
"What is it?" You speak in the same tone I spoke in, almost a monotone.  
  
I can feel my cheeks reddening. I study the ground. "I..." Oh, why was my power of speech failing me now? Why now?"I wanted to apologize, for the Qudditch Match. It's my fault you were injured."  
  
For the first time ever while I was talking to you, since last year, I can see a shadow of a smile on your face. "Oh, don't worry about that. That was a very good move you pulled though."  
  
My heart soars.  
  
"Thank you." And I didn't mean thank you, just for the compliment. That was a thank you for cheering me up for that small instant, that was a thank you for giving me one of the best Qudditch matches I've ever played in, that was a thank you for being Harry Potter, the only one who has the ability to make my day with a kind look, or a simple hello.  
  
Of course, he will never know this. To him, I'm just another face in the crowd, unrecognizable from the rest.  
  
My throat closes, at this thought. I need to leave, I need to leave before I do or say something that I would regret. "See you around."  
  
I walk quickly away; knowing that last year, if I had done this, I could have come back ten minutes later, and you would still be staring after me. I know that now, you would have already left.  
  
Once I'm in my dormitory, I throw myself onto my bed, and draw the curtains close. I need some time to think, to brood.  
  
How is it, that after so much, so many tears, so many problems, how is it that I like you, no, love you, more than I have ever had?  
  
You have changed, you know. You are so different now, so much more complex.  
  
I want you; I need you so bad, that my heart aches. No, every part of me aches- to be held by you, to be kissed by you, to be comforted by, just to be loved by you.  
  
Is that really so much to ask?  
  
Of course it is. Especially to ask you to love me, me the one whom you despise, and will always despise.  
  
It doesn't matter anyway. You love her, and you will always love her. We are polar opposites: the sun and the moon, the light and the dark. You could never love me. Ever.  
  
I realize this, and last year, I would've cried for months over this. This year, the pain, the suffering, the agony of loving someone so much, and not having them love you in return, is far too deep to cry.  
  
It is in the depths of my souls, the innermost recesses that no one can reach. It's hidden in the darkest, dimmest corners of my being, something that no one will ever know, or even care about. No one except for me.  
  
It is far, far too deep.  
  



	3. Deja Vu

Author's Notes: First of all, I would like to thank everyone for being kind to review. You honestly have no idea how much it means to me. You people are the best! Okay, this chapter was a little hard to write, but I already know exactly what will happen in the next one, so please review, and hopefully I can upload this weekend! Thanks again!  
  
Lady Riddle: Thanks so much for your support! I'm glad you enjoyed this...I feel so honored...one of your favorite HPCC authors? Aww...and to compare me to J.K. Rowling...whoa...  
  
Audrey Lebeke: Thank you, so, so much for helping me with this! You rock!  
  
Karri- Granger: Stop, you're making me blush...but seriously, thank you for your amazingly kind comments!  
  
Logical Raven: I've read all of your HPCC fics...and all I have to say, is why are you reading my fic when you should be writing, so I can read the next chapter of yours? Lol...but really, please update your fic soon, and thanks for reviewing.  
  
Gwendolyn James: Thanks so much! I know you're a teacher, so it makes me feel a bit better about my writing abilities...  
  
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ROsE- ofHeL: Thanks...that was a really nice and sweet review! You're flattering me...  
  
SomniumSeeker: You really liked it? Wow! Thanks! Hope you like the next chapter...  
  
Once again, thanks to all my awesome reviewers! And I will update as soon as possible...  
  
The next Hogsmeade weekend is posted up. It'll be Valentine's Day, and all the couples are going. I glance over at the Gryffindor table to see if you've noticed, and sure enough, you have.  
  
She's sitting very close to you, and you two are whispering to each other, with a look on your face that says you've forgotten the rest of the world; all you can see is her right now.  
  
I've always wanted to be looked at like that. Like I was the most important person in the world, as if nothing else mattered.  
  
That blade that is in my heart always is turning, delving deeper, and deeper, until soon, it will not be able to go any farther.  
  
I sit perfectly still, watching my pumpkin juice in my goblet swirl around, and around. My head is throbbing, though I'm aware that I'm not moving.  
  
Marietta turns towards me, and asks if I plan on going to Hogsmeade. I force a smile, and nod cheerfully.  
  
My mask is on. Always on. Always happy, always friendly, always cheerful, always beautiful. Always perfect.  
  
But inside, inside, I'm slowly ebbing away, like the shoreline of beaches, overcome by the foaming water. I'm destroying myself from the inside, and I know this.  
  
The sad thing is, I don't care. I don't care anymore. I've stopped caring. I would've thought I had stopped feeling, as well, but apparently not, because every time I see your face, my heart bursts open, like a fresh new wound.  
  
After breakfast, she comes up to me. I stare blankly, even coldly at her. What could she want now?  
  
She smiles nervously. "Cho? I just wanted to apologize for what I said a couple of days ago. I shouldn't have been so rude. It was, just, that I was so worried over Harry, I forgot my manners."  
  
I look at her with icy disdain. "I bet Harry told you to come over here and say that."  
  
She looked so surprised, and genuinely hurt, that I knew I was wrong. "No, he didn't."  
  
Sighing, I nodded. "I accept your apology." I turned and walked stiffly to class.  
  
When I sit down, I put my head in my arms. So, she is perfect for you. So she is nice.  
  
I hate her; I hate her because I can't hate her. I hate her because she does deserve you. She does, she really does.  
  
And I'm happy and sad about this fact at the same time, because I do want you to be happy, I really do. But... there is that part of me that wishes it were me instead of her...  
  
I feel as if there's nothing inside of me, and yet, I feel the heaviest weight in the world, like lead, on my chest.  
  
No wonder all those unrequited loves killed themselves.  
  
I, of course, would never dream of such a thing, but that's only because of you. It's only because of you that I try to go on going through the motions of life, because, during the few times I do get to see you, get a glimpse into your wonderful eyes, well, it fights off a little bit of the darkness, the depression, the misery, the sadness, the pain that is eating at me, everyday, constantly.  
  
I wish I could cry. I wish I could find some way of letting out this terrible feeling I have, bottled up inside of me. But I can't. My only form of release, my only form of freedom, my only form of hope, is you.  
  
The Hogsmeade weekend comes up much too soon for my liking. I will be forced to go with Marietta, and my other Housemates to Hogsmeade, and act like I'm having a good time.  
  
I'm a very good actress; sometimes I almost manage to convince myself that I'm fine. But then, I see your face once more, and the pain comes rushing back, overwhelming me even more than before.  
  
Marietta drags me to Hogsmeade, chattering aimlessly all the way. I nod, and throw in the occasional "Yes, of course." Or "Hmm..." Really, I'm watching you. Again. With her, as usual.  
  
Your arms, your strong, Qudditch-toned arms, are draped casually around her waist. Her fiery red hair glimmers in the sunlight, and you laugh, teasing her about something.  
  
My heart seems to clench. I never made you laugh, ever. I was too busying crying over Cedric. How I wish I had a Time-Turner. How I wish I hadn't been so utterly stupid.  
  
As we get closer to you, I notice that you have dark hollows under your stunning eyes. Why haven't you been sleeping?  
  
I want, more than anything right now, to give you a hug. You look in desperate need of one. But you have her for that...  
  
Marietta wants to go to the Three Broomsticks to meet someone there. I sigh, but go along with her. She tells me to get a table, and she goes to get drinks.  
  
I sit, alone, at the empty table, waiting for Marietta. I see a blond seventh year Hufflepuff boy shyly talking to her. Getting up, I motion to her that I'm leaving. She barely nods, smiling at the Hufflepuff. I make my discreet exit. I just couldn't stay there any longer.  
  
I don't know exactly where I'm going; I'm walking, and walking, until I stop. Taking a look at the sign above the door, which I stopped at, my heart sinks. This is Madam Puddifoot's, the very same place where our first, and last date took place.  
  
And through the frosted glass windows, I can vaguely see a familiar messy, jet-black head, and a bright red one next to it. The door is open, and I turn to leave, but someone catches on to my arm.  
  
I can hardly believe my eyes...  
  
Author's Notes: Sorry for the cliffhanger there! I promise, all will be revealed in the next chapter...that I am already in the process of writing. So, tell me...who do you think this mysterious person is? Please review! Hugs and kisses to you all! 


	4. Over Coffee

Author's Notes: Firstly, I would like to apologize for that cliffhanger in my last chapter. Sorry, everybody! And now, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate, and adore the people who review. It honestly makes my week, or month even, that you people take the time and patience to review. I love you all! So I hope this chapter is okay...please enjoy and review!  
  
Lady Riddle: Your support of this story means so much to me! I always laugh at your little added-in gestures (i.e. something like polishing your glasses, fainting.) It's awesome!  
  
Audrey Lebeke: Thank you so much for helping me with this chapter! I really couldn't have done it without you!  
  
Karri- Granger: You're one of my regulars! Well, I absolutely LOVE your reviews; they make me feel great!  
  
Logical Raven: Thanks, first, for updating your fic! And then, thanks so much for reviewing!  
  
Gwendolyn James: You're the best! Can I express how grateful I am that you read my fic?  
  
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Hope you guys like this one! Thanks loads for reviewing!  
  
"Michael?" I look up in confusion at my ex-boyfriend.  
  
He looks flustered, and embarrassed. "I...I just wanted to apologize...that stupid fight we had over Christmas Holiday...you were completely right not to tell me about Marietta...I'm sorry, it's all my fault."  
  
I don't know what to do. I'm very, very confused, but because I know you are watching, I smile sweetly. "It's fine...don't mention it, Michael. We're okay now."  
  
Michael looks at me with his blue eyes, those blue eyes that I wished were green, emerald green, like yours.  
  
I'm about to say something; about to ask him why is he staring at me like that, when, rather suddenly, and unexpectedly, he kisses me. On the lips.  
  
I'm screaming inside, my senses are numb, and I'm paralyzed with shock, my mind is shouting "Stop! Stop! He isn't Harry...you don't like him that way..."  
  
But then I remember, you're watching. You, Harry Potter.  
  
I can do this, I tell myself. I can kiss a guy who isn't Harry Potter; I can kiss a guy who will never be anything like Harry Potter. I can.  
  
So I kiss him back. That was a very, very stupid thing to do, because now I feel awkward, and guilty, because I'm leading him on, because I don't like him in that way, and I never have. And never will.  
  
I pull away. There is no way I'm going to prolong this torture. Don't get me wrong, Michael is a really great guy, but he's not you. And, sadly enough, he will never be.  
  
He smiles at me. "So, do you want to go in?" Michael asks, gesturing at the small coffee shop.  
  
Forcing a small smile, I nod miserably, and follow him into Madam Puddifoot's. He leads me to a table, rather coincidently, next to yours. Great. Just excellent.  
  
I sit down, making sure not to look in your direction. Michael orders two coffees.  
  
You're holding her hand across the confetti-covered table, smiling and laughing.  
  
Our coffees have arrived. For a while, we make small talk about Ravenclaw and classes. He's in seventh year, and as well as my fellow Housemate, but other than that, that's all we have in common. Well, that, and the fact that both of our exes are going out with each other, but of course, that's not the most tactful thing to discuss with your boyfriend on a date when the exes in question are sitting at the table next to you.  
  
There's a lull in the conversation. An awkward silence, whatever you want to call it. He's staring at his now cold coffee, and I'm...I'm staring at you. Again.  
  
What else is new?  
  
Suddenly, you turn your head slightly, and our eyes meet, dark brown against bright green. I feel like there's a lump of lead in my chest, making it so that my breaths are shallow and meaningless.  
  
Who really needs oxygen to breathe, anyway? Who cares about breathing, or living when you love someone, and you know that they'll never love you back?  
  
I know why you're looking at me. It's because I made a complete fool out of myself with Michael, isn't it? You're probably thinking that I tried to make you jealous, kissing Michael. Well, I wasn't. My reason for kissing him was much more pathetic than that. I wanted to replace you, to find someone else that can take your place in my heart. It didn't work, and I highly doubt that it will ever work. I'm resigned to that fact now, but it doesn't mean that I'll stop hurting because of it.  
  
I don't think I'll ever stop hurting, ever stop bleeding, ever stop breaking, or ever stop dying inside.  
  
You turn away as quickly as you could. She seemed to be getting suspicious.  
  
Michael is saying something, but I'm not listening. I'm just staring at my coffee cup, thinking. Thinking about you.  
  
I nod half-heartedly at whatever Michael's saying. I think he realizes that I'm not paying attention, because, after a while, he gradually stops talking.  
  
Standing up, I say something about wanting to get back early because I'm tired. We pay the bill, and we leave. He walks with me back to Hogwarts.  
  
The rest of the afternoon, and dinner passes me by in a blur. I really am very tired. When I finally reach my bed, my warm, comfy bed, I find out that I can't sleep. It's just beyond my grasp, my body is extremely exhausted, but my conscience, my soul lies awake, dealing with the guilt I have over Michael. I can't get rid of the feeling.  
  
No matter how many lies, no matter how many excuses I feed myself; it just won't go away. I know it won't go away because it's wrong. It's wrong what I'm doing to Michael.  
  
And the feeling won't go away until I make it right.  
  
Author's Notes: Well, what did you think of that one? Bet you didn't think it was going to be Michael, did you? Review, review, review! 


	5. A startling revelation

Disclaimer: Don't own anything. Don't sue me because I have nothing you would want, unless you like a lot of pink, and "girly" stuff!  
  
Author's Notes: Thank you, thank you, thank you to all my wonderful reviewers. It means so, so much to me when you take the time and patience to review. You guys are so kind and truly awesome! Especially to my regular ones, you people have done nothing but supported me throughout this whole story.  
  
Gwendolyn James: You seriously rock. Some of my nicest reviews have come from you, and it makes me feel really great that you aren't a Harry/Cho shipper, and yet you support this story like crazy.  
  
Karri- Granger: One of my regulars for all my fics! I feel like I practically know you, and your reviews are always so sweet! Thank you so much for making my week.  
  
Audrey Lebeke: See, I finally reached a compromise about when she should break up with him! You are so important to this fic, I cannot even begin to tell you how much you've helped me. Thanks for being you!  
  
Logical Raven: Don't worry, since I'm a HUGE Cho/Harry shipper, our poor little depressed girl will get what she wants in the end. I greatly appreciate your lovely reviews.  
  
Michael Taravera: Thank you so much for putting me in that category with those other ABSOLUTELY AWESOME Harry/Cho authors...I've read all of their fics, and it's an honor to be said in the same sentence as them!  
  
Sandra: Thanks so much for the review...hope you like this chapter!  
  
Okay, everybody, this isn't the last segment; the next one will be the last segment. Hope you like reading this one! Tell me what you think by reviewing....  
  
The guilt eats at me. It consumes me, burns me. I can't get rid of it, no matter what I do or say.  
  
It's been nearly two weeks since that day in Hogsmeade. I know I can't lead him on anymore, I know it, and every night I tell myself that tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll tell Michael.  
  
But then tomorrow comes, and I feel guilty for hurting him; I don't want to hurt him, so I stay with him, but I hurt myself.  
  
It's pointless anyway; what would I achieve by breaking it off with Michael anyway? Cause someone another broken heart? You're with her, and I know that you'll never leave her, because you two are meant to be, you really are. As much as it destroys me, I know now that you two are truly meant to be.  
  
And it hurts. It hurts so much that I can't even begin to describe it. It goes deeper than any insult, deeper than any rejection, even deeper than the death of Cedric, because you see; I had my chance. I had my chance to be loved by you. And the idiot that I was, I tossed it aside.  
  
I made my choice, and now I'm regretting it.  
  
So I stay with him. I pretend to be the perfect girlfriend; attentive and caring, but inside, I know that I'm only rubbing salt into that open wound, making more of a mess. And I can't do anything about it.  
  
I'm drowning again. I'm drowning in pain, in misery, and in guilt.  
  
Will this torture never end?  
  
We're sitting by the lake, him and I. He's saying something; I'm not paying attention. I can see you strolling by the Qudditch Pitch. It's a beautiful day.  
  
"And when we get married..." He says. I jerk back to the conversation.  
  
Alarm signals are going off in my head. "Marr-mmm-married?" I stutter stupidly.  
  
"Well, we have been going out for almost a year...and I mean, of course we'll wait a couple of years..."  
  
"Michael, I can't marry you!"  
  
He looks puzzled. "Why not?"  
  
"Because- because, I don't LOVE you!" I gasp, and covered my mouth, my stupid, big fat, put-your-foot-in-it mouth. Stupid, useless mouth. Michael goes pale.  
  
"I didn't mean for it to come out like that." I whisper.  
  
"Then what did you mean?" He asks, slowly.  
  
"I-I...I..." I can't seem to think of anything, so I try a different tact. " Michael, you're a great guy..."  
  
"But you're breaking up with me, aren't you?"  
  
"No! I mean...I don't know, but Michael, I just don't- I can't- I don't think that we can be anything more than friends. I mean, I just can't see you that way. I'm so sorry, Michael. I really tried to make it click, but it just didn't."  
  
"So what were you doing this whole year? Stringing me along?" His tone is suddenly harsh, and angry.  
  
"No, Michael, I never meant to lead you on, I honestly didn't. I was confused, and I didn't know who I liked or whatever. I'm sorry about that, about everything."  
  
Michael gets up. "Right. Well then...I'm sorry too. That this didn't work out."  
  
"You have no idea." I whisper, because he has no idea. He really doesn't. If Michael and I had worked out, I wouldn't be thinking about you right now.  
  
"Friends?" He holds out his hand, awkwardly.  
  
I nod, shaking his hand. "Friends. And thank you, Michael, for being such a...such a gentleman about this."  
  
He smiles sadly. "Anytime...and hey, if Potter breaks your heart, I'll always be your shoulder to cry on."  
  
My heart seems to stop. "What are you talking about?" Does he know? Does Michael know that I still like Harry?  
  
Michael looks at me quizzically. "Don't you know?"  
  
"Know what?" I'm starting to panic now.  
  
He looks at me closely for moment, and then shakes his head. "If you don't know, then I'm not the one to tell you." Michael turns to leave. I grab his arm.  
  
"Michael, please. I need to know this."  
  
Michael hesitates, but nods. "Well, Harry broke up with Ginny a few days ago, didn't you hear?"  
  
There's an odd roaring sound in my ears, and I feel like I'm spinning around and around in circles. "No, I didn't. But, what does this have to do with me?"  
  
"Everybody thought that he did it because of you."  
  
"Me? What did I do?"  
  
"Well, he's been staring at you all year, haven't you noticed?"  
  
"No." I whisper, "No, I haven't."  
  
Author's notes: Well, what did you think? No, this isn't finished yet. The last segment is soon to come! Review, review...and oh, review! Love you all very much! 


	6. And they lived happily ever after

Author's Notes: Well, here it is. The last chapter. The end. Will Cho get what she wants? Read and you'll find out, but first, let me say a couple things. I know I say this every time I upload, but I really, really want you people to understand how much you mean to me, as readers, and reviewers. Thank you so much for taking the time, and the patience to review and tell me what you think, it means so much to me!  
  
Audrey Lebeke: You have been such a part of this, thank you so much for everything- the late night plots, and the amazing friendship. Hope you got the ending that you wanted...  
  
Gwendolyn James: My fellow authoress, and AF girlie, as well as Fanfiction Stalkers- thank you as well for your kind words, and advice, and ongoing support of all my fanfics, not only this one.  
  
Karri- Granger: I'm so used to seeing your name on my review lists, it's like seeing one of my BETAs on here all the time. You have faithfully reviewed every chapter of this one, and many others, and I appreciate that very much!  
  
Logical Raven: I know! I think I read that particular fanfic...well, you know in my mind, no matter how much angst I put our poor main character through, I'll always be a Cho/Harry shipper to the end, even in canon, if he gets with someone else. You are an awesome writer, and I feel extremely grateful that you take the time to review.  
  
PippinMyHobbit: Thank you! Haven't seen you on for a while, but thank you very much for the very nice reviews!  
  
Michael Taravera: I've updated! I hope you like it, the ending and everything...thank you for reviewing!  
  
Apple-tree: Thank you very, very much! I can't say thank you enough!  
  
FSI: Here it is...the end...I've updated as fast as I could! Thank you for the beautiful reviews, and email.  
  
Aiyko- Chan: I feel so bad...I didn't mean to make you cry! Hopefully Cho will get her happy ending, and you will too...  
  
Little Eirtae: Finished...it's really finished...and here it is!  
  
Okay everybody, a quick note before you start reading- no matter how bad it gets for Cho, or how horribly angsty it gets, and/or parts when you want to throw heavy things at me, just keep on reading till the end. Just trust me on this!

If my heart had been broken when you went out with Ginny, then right now, it's being torn into pieces. Millions and millions of tiny little fragments, each meticulously ripped, and then thrown on the floor, stomped on, and burned in an acidic solution.  
  
My life is in turmoil.  
  
After you broke it off with her, I thought that everything would be perfect, like a fairy-tale ending to a beautiful book. I let myself hope, and dream, stupid, unrealistic thoughts, about you, about you and me. About us together.  
  
I learned a long time ago that those perfect endings were only for books, only for starry-eyed little girls with the rest of their life ahead of them, untainted by death, or anything else horrible. I used to be one of those little girls.  
  
Used to.  
  
But not anymore. I've had too much in my past three years to ever become half of that little girl I was. I gone through too much pain, too much depression, too much misery and anguish...too many tears to ever become that little girl again.  
  
I don't know if I even believe in love anymore. It's hard; it's extremely hard to lose faith in something that you have held by your whole life. Love was my motto, it was what I put everything into, and took everything out of. I truly, honestly, believed in true love.  
  
But how can love be true when it causes so much hurt, so much sadness? Why were we humans cursed with the ability to love someone so much that you feel as if you can never catch your breath, that amazing, spine-tingling, death-defying, hold-me-as-tight-as-you-can-so-I-don't-fall-from-up-here-in- the-sky feeling of being in love? Why?  
  
I've learned now, that love is always followed by pain, love is always followed by hurt, love is always followed by something horrific. And because of that, I can't trust love anymore.  
  
I don't think I will be able to ever trust it again.  
  
That day, at least a month after you broke it off with her, that day you came and sat down next to me at the lake, I really thought it was my second chance, my second chance to make it work. That day changed me forever. I remember every word of the conversation and I will never forget it, because that's the day I found out that love was just a word, the day I found out that love is not real. Love is dead.  
  
You came down, and sat by me. I was too shocked to do anything, but stare, stare at those astonishing emerald eyes of yours...they were so mesmerizing.  
  
I spoke first, even though my brain is on Autopilot. "Hi." I whispered.  
  
You smiled a shy smile at me. "Hello." Taking a deep breath, you said the words that I had wanted to hear...oh, I don't know since when.  
  
But you did say them.  
  
Biting your lip, you seemed really, really nervous, and uncomfortable. I was the first to break the silence, and I don't know what in the world possessed me to do it.  
  
"Harry...do you...I mean...well...do you still...?" I trailed off, aware of how utterly idiotic I must have looked.  
  
You looked at me, no, you really looked at me, you looked almost through me; as if I were made of see-through glass, and you could peer through into my soul and my heart, and see everything there, everything shallow in me, everything dark and sad in me, every feeling I fought so hard to oppress, and even the happy things in me, like glimmers of sunshine in the shadow I call my soul, and you nodded your head slowly.  
  
I felt a huge wave of happiness sweep over me. It was odd, lately I had been so gloomy, and then, suddenly ecstatic. It's like when you jump from a hot steamy bath, to an ice –cold lake, or vice versa.  
  
"Me too." I whispered. I wondered what was going to happen next. This was one of those moments where it borders, and lingers, between something and something else; in this case, perhaps a kiss, or not a kiss. Just like the fairy tales.  
  
You seemed as if you were fighting some internal struggle within your soul; I know that look often.  
  
Finally you spoke. "Cho-I can't-We can't be together."  
  
I was frozen. "I thought-"  
  
"I do really, really like you, but I can't afford to take any chances. Not after Cedric, not after Sir-" You fell silently suddenly, as if saying that person's name made you feel pain like pain that scars you, scars you deep on the inside.  
  
I was thoroughly confused now. "You mean you don't want Voldemort coming after me?"  
  
"That...and there's something else too...I just can't be with you, Cho. You have the rest of your life ahead of you...and I'll always, no matter what, be the one Voldemort's after. He'll use anything to get me, and I can't let him use someone whom I care about again to lure me into a trap."  
  
My head was spinning again, and I felt the lead weight come back onto my chest, heavier this time than ever.  
  
I want to scream, to cry, to do something to let out a tiny portion of all the emotions I'm feeling at the moment. I want to yell at you for being so stupid, and yet, I want to hug you all the same for caring about me.  
  
My voice is filled with feeling, and pain the next time I speak, I can't let you do this without trying to do something about it.  
  
"Harry..." All the words I had in my head fly out. Everything I needed to say seems pointless, and unimportant.  
  
"Life is nothing without love, Harry." My voice breaks, and I look away.  
  
You gently touch, my hand, making me look at you again. Smiling sadly, you say, "But if I lose you, then who will I have to love?"  
  
That does it. I can feel myself breaking inside, dying, drowning, falling apart. How can you be so awful, and yet, so very beautiful at the same time?  
  
I want to laugh, and weep at the unfairness of it all; the unfairness of life, the unfairness of you and me, or what we could've been.  
  
To think; isn't it ironic that when we finally confess our feelings for each other, you push me away, not because you don't love me, oh no, it's because you do love me that you're pushing me away, it's because you do love me, maybe more than I could ever know. You do love me, and that's the very reason you can't love me.  
  
And that fact makes it hurt even worse.  
  
So, I listened to you. I ignored you whenever I see you, brushed coldly past you in the halls, with a face of marble, when inside, my heart is breaking ten times over. I can see it in your eyes, you feel the pain too, but it's hidden, hidden under many layers of bright green.  
  
I wish I could camouflage my feelings as well as you can, but I'm afraid I can't.  
  
I wish for a lot of things; I wish that you had told me how you felt sooner, I wish that I hadn't been so stupid last year, I wish that I had never said yes to Cedric when he asked me to the Yule Ball, I wish Voldemort never existed, I wish we could love each other, as we are, without ever having to worry about evil overlords, or death, or sadness, or pain, I wish we could just love each other.  
  
I wish I still believed in love. I wish I still believed in fairy-tale endings. I wish I still believed in sunshine, in happiness, in roses, I wish I was still that starry-eyed little girl who believed that love could triumph over anything; death, anguish, misery, hurt, even evil.  
  
But I'm not that starry-eyed little girl, with the pale roses in her cheeks, I'm not that starry-eyed little girl who did believe in true love, and I never will again be that girl.  
  
And so, bearing all this in mind, I board the Hogwarts Express for the last time. I cast a lingering look at the familiar castle...I will never go into it again as a student.  
  
Good-bye Hogwarts...and goodbye Harry...  
  
It's raining. Not pouring rain, mind you, but a light dreary gray drizzle. It fits my mood well, almost too well. I've come on the train early, not wanting to deal with hyper second years, and sobbing seventh years.  
  
I find a compartment, and pull out a book, trying to distract myself. Eventually, Marietta and some of my other friends come in, and chatter about the most trivial of subjects.  
  
I can hear the train's whistle blow. It starts moving slowly...  
  
Suddenly Marietta points out the window. "Cho, isn't that Harry Potter?"  
  
I jump up from my seat, wondering what you were doing outside, and why you weren't in a compartment with your friends.  
  
I can see you running alongside the moving red train, you're mouthing something, something I can't hear over the engine of the express. Then it strikes me- you're mouthing my name.  
  
Without thinking, I leap up from my position at the window, and blindly race through the train corridors, with only one thought in my mind; to get to you.  
  
I can hear people shouting after me, shouting my name, and calling for the train to stop. I've reached one of the doors now. Wrenching it open, I look outside, and I can see you coming closer; you're sprinting almost.  
  
I didn't notice the rain, I didn't notice that the train stopped; all I knew was that I jumped off of the train, and ran towards you.  
  
You met me halfway, breathing heavily, but your eyes were as dark and as lovely as I've ever seen them before.  
  
It was almost like the world stopped spinning, everything was frozen except you and me.  
  
"I don't care if Voldemort is watching." You whispered to me, gently cupping my face with your hand, moving closer, and closer, until I could count every raindrop on your eyelashes...  
  
In that instant we kissed, in that moment your lips touched mine, I felt as if I could do anything; fly up into the highest star, dance on the slimmest moonbeam, cry, laugh...anything.  
  
I felt, that I could have truly produced the most amazing Patronus on the face of this earth at that minute.  
  
I didn't care that we were kissing in front of the whole student population at Hogwarts, most of which was leaning out the train's windows.  
  
I could hear Marietta's snort of disgust, Hermione Granger's sigh of contentment, and Ronald Weasley's roaring laughter. But I didn't care.  
  
Because, I knew then, at that very second we kissed, that true love does in fact exist.  
  
And, believe me, it's worth any amount of pain you have to go through for it.Author's Notes: Wow. It's done. It's really done. I can't believe it. These past few weeks have been awesome for me. Thank you all, so, so much for your beautiful, and kind support of this story that started out as something to do when I was bored. I put a lot of time, and my own theories about love, and pain, because in reality: I really do believe that true love does exist. This is my first story I have ever completed, so it's a milestone for me. I cannot stress how important you wonderful readers have been to me, because if nobody read it, I would have never continued it. Thank you, for being there to read this. Thank you for being the lovely people you are! Review and tell me what you think...about the ending, or the whole story in general. 


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